It’s not you, it’s me … of course it’s you , you lying son of a bitch is the initial reaction , followed by tears, lots of tears. The inevitable pleading , the rage , the self loath , the abusive drunk texts , and in extreme cases months of social media stalking.
We would all love to think that we would respond gracefully to being dumped. Smile, wish the dumper luck and leave with our dignity still intact. But hearing those hurtful cluster of words, ‘Its just not working out.’ ‘ I just don’t feel the same any more’ , or worst getting dumped by text ( It takes a special breed of prick to dump by text) can only end ugly. Its not just heartbreaking and humiliating , but also difficult to comprehend.
‘ Why are you doing this?’
‘How can you do this to me?’
‘ I am the best you will ever have.’
‘You will never find someone like me ,’
And the classic… ‘ You will regret this.’
Tend to be the staple responses. But once you are done with all the questions , and the self-indulgent shit , ( listened to sad music , cried some more , watched the Notebook, and cried some more. Expressed your hate for the male/female species. Bored your friends with how lonely you are , gone out dressed a little sluttier than usual and done the obligatory ‘ I am having the time of my life instagram post. ‘ Its time for some evaluation.
Why did the relationship end ?
It’s important to consider , why the relationship ended , and acknowledge your faults in the relationship. It’s not so much a blame game , but more a self reflecting exercise. Truth be told not many people are completely blind-sided by getting dumped , if you dig deep enough you know the relationship wasn’t working .
Also, consider if the relationship was even worth keeping. I know many people who have stayed in relationships and situations that are well past the sell by date just to avoid being single . Yes, being single may not be a barrel of laughs and weekly dates like the Sex and the City girls made out it was , but it sure as hell is better than being in a relationship that just isn’t right.
Rejection is circumstantial.
One of the most upsetting things about being dumped is the rejection. Being rejected from the person you invested so much in. You invested time , emotions even money for this person to up and leave. But it’s important to remember that being dumped doesn’t lessen your self-worth. Being rejected by this person , doesn’t mean you will be rejected by everyone one else , or that you or your efforts are not good enough . Yeah it may not have been enough for that person , but for someone else you’re more than enough.
Be a better you.
Yes it’s cheesy , and it sounds like the crap your best friend tells you to make you feel better , but being single is the best time to work on you , and be the best version of yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get out, do stuff, join the gym, read a book, get to know your friends a little better. Use the time you once invested in the relationship, on yourself. Be the best of you, for you, and partly to prove a point to your ex. Just partly.
Keep it moving.
Pour water on the burnt area and keep it moving. Once you have done all your healing , its time to move on. The relationship is done, yes he/she broke your heart, but did you die? Stop dwelling on the past, stop retelling the story of how he/she did you wrong ( Your friends have heard it enough times , and no body else actually cares ). Keep it moving , even go on a date. Yes that relationship didn’t work out, but the next one might, and if it doesn’t just read this blog post again, the same applies.